Dichotomy

How do you make money when you hate money?

Dear reader,

It has been approximately 5,000 days since my last entry. Vast topics have been weighing on my mind at inconvenient times. Life is once again flashing before my eyes and the world continues to be on fire.

Something I’ve been struggling with for the past few months/years is reconciling the act of making money from my work with the general concept that money is the root of all evil. I’ve been in therapy for quite some time now and I’d say this topic crops up at least once a month, sometimes more, yet I don’t feel any closer to figuring it out.

First of all, let me start by saying that I don’t think artists who want to make money from their work are bad. Not at all! Or people who want to make money in general, though I would be inclined to judge how people make their money in terms of ethics etc. (I’m looking at you, Besos.) Money is one of the main factors impacting quality of life and it would be pretty gross of me to disparage those who wish to live well. What I take umbrage with is this very concept, however–the fact that money does have such a huge bearing on our existence. We all deserve to live well, regardless of how much money we have, and it pains me to contribute to a system that relies solely on this praxis. I sorely wish for a world in which that is possible, though I am still uncertain as to how that could ever be.

Attaching a monetary value to something I made gives me the ick something fierce. How terrible it seems to me to take the fruits of my imagination and stick a hideous neon $9.99 sticker on it. There is the issue of if it’s enough or not enough money. Who decides such things and how? There is an inherent need to compare my things with those made by others to discern its appropriate “worth”–something I have tried with all my might to avoid in order to preserve my sanity. There is the small matter of then finding someone to spend said sum on the piece. On and on it goes, over and over until you die or quit. This is not the reason I make things!! I make things to be free of restriction, to have a safe space to explore and experiment. I make things because it’s wonderful to be able to put some beauty into the world. How lucky I am to be allowed to do so.

I’m in an extremely privileged position. My art-making facilities are a perk of being a ceramics instructor, so I incur no costs in making my work bar the time and energy I put into it. I do not have sell my work to eat or keep a roof over my head. To those who are doing just that, I wish you nothing but the absolute best. Godspeed! At the same time, I’m not exactly living it large either. Would it be so impossible for me to swallow my pride and sell the wretched things in order to improve my quality of life? I suppose not. But how do I scrub myself clean of the grimy feeling it gives me?

I’m figuring it out. I will have to start renting a storage unit for all my stuff if I can’t bring myself to sell it or give it away. Perhaps that absurd prospect alone will spur me into action.

With that, we draw to a close. I hope you will find some time to rest this week, to have a good long stretch and eat something delicious.

Until next time.

xoxo

Emilie